Undue Attention
Spoken: I belong when you pay constant attention to me and/or give me special service.
Unspoken: “Notice me. Involve me usefully.”
Misguided Power
Outward behavior: I belong only when I am the boss, or at least do not let you boss me.
Unspoken: “Let me help. Give me choices.”
Revenge
Outward behavior: I don’t belong and that hurts; so I’ll get even by hurting others.
Unspoken: “I am hurting. Validate my feelings.”
Assumed inadequacy
Spoken: I give up! Leave me alone!
Unspoken: “Don’t give up on me. Show me a small step.”